Max n' Ruti

Lilah's pregnant.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. I'm in Egypt now, and have been blending fairly well with the tourists despite all assumptions to the contrary. Actually, I'm surprised there even are American tourists in Africa, what with the war going on back home. But I digress.

Lilah found me, and I guess you knew that was coming. Contrary to expectations however, she has not betrayed me... yet. I don't know why, but she told me so, and I believe her for various reasons. Not to mention that she wasn't in a fit state to lie. I don't even think she likes them--the ones that want me dead, I mean. She buried Daisy back in Liberia, and since Daisy was the only reason she'd ever betrayed me in the first place, she has no other reason to do their bidding.

Her daughter is dead. She's very angry, of course, but mostly depressed. When I found her in the bar on the other side of the city, all the life seemed drained out of her. I threatened to kill her, for what she did to us, but she didn't even care. She tossed out the whole “I'm pregnant” deal without even looking at me, like the growing life inside of her wasn't worth a second mention.

Yeah, it's mine. I dunno what I'm going to do about it, but it's mine. She said she wanted to get an abortion, but it's too late now. At least, that's what Lilah said, she didn't explain how. Doesn't matter, I hate abortion. I told her that if she didn't want to have anything to do with the baby, she can carry it for nine months and then hand it over. I don't want her killing off my children, accidental or no.

Of course she took offense to that, this is Lilah we're talking about. But then she went back to her water. She was careful not to have liquor at the bar, even if it was where we met up. I have a feeling she cares more about the baby than she lets on. She gave me those mooning eyes. You know the ones.

But I told her I didn't want to see her face until she had a baby in her arms and she was looking to hand it over. We'll see, I guess. I'm pushing this at the back of my mind.

As for Ruti, she's her usual self. Jackie has looking after her more and more while I do the working thing. It's been hard finding money to keep us alive, but Noah's still a solid contact back in Liberia, so we'll see. We'll be fine. *nods*

Tristan, I got a call from Sonya today. Apparently, Tom vanished sometime the night before last. She doesn't know if it's the Russians or the people who've been after me, but she called to cover all the fields. She wanted to why, when, how, where and who these people are, and what they want from me. She wasn't very happy when I couldn't really tell her anything beyond, "All I know is it's someone very high in Washington." She thinks that it's a little of both--the people after me are working with the Russians in a back-scratching party. They've got Tom, and they let Sonya know this, so she would call me, and vice versa draw me back to the US for capture. And the Russians want their Czardine back. God only knows why Tom has him in the first place, though. Our government sure is fucked up since this war started.

So, yes, I'm going to GA. Ordered a flight just now, and I'll be there tomorrow night. I'm not letting Brook know, because she's very close to term and from what I hear, the stress could be very dangerous on her and the baby. And Dorothea, well... I'll email her ASAP, I'm awfully worried. We haven't heard from her in nearly two weeks now. You think she's okay? You have any idea what's up with her?

Anyway, I'm aware this is probably a trap... I'll make sure Ruti is in good hands before I leave. But do me a favor, will you? If anything happens... you're the God father. Normally, I'd pass her on to Dorothea, but Doro hasn't been around, and... well, I just need to know she'll be taken care of. Besides, with Rammy around, you're awfully loaded. I know she'll have the nice, spoiled princess life she deserves with you.

And no, nothing *is* going to happen, so don't panic, I'm just giving you a head's up. I know how these people work, I'll get my brother back. It's just, I'm not sure if I'll need to surrender in order to save Tom or not--you know how it is. This is basically the summary of every stupid superhero comic you've ever read. Hopefully this will have the same happy ending, right?

Wish me luck, dude! And thanks for the pony!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RAMMY!! *gives you lots and lots of beer*


I need not go on about Tom, but I will say I'm not talking to him right now. Thus, a pointless meme. :P

(Tom, if your reading this, fuck off. Stop calling me, I'm not going to answer.)

( That slang thing that's invaded IJ )

So. I'm in Africa. Staying with Noah's family--they live in a very tiny shack of a house, but at least it's not a hut. Sleeping in the same bed as Jackie and Ruti--bit odd, really, but I'm actually starting to get used to it. Noah offered to let us stay here for as long as we need, but Jackie is making whining noises now and I know I gotta get out of here before Lilah tracks me down again. I saw her at the port when we landed--I gave her my patented Cold Hard Stare and she turned the other way. I still don't know what happened with Daisy. I probably should've asked, but somehow I doubt she's willing to divulge the information.

I have no idea where I'm headed from here, nor what I'm going to do. At least Ruti's happy. Girl can't get enough of the scenery. She says she wants to get a lion, but she still won't part with fluffy, so. We'll see.

(Yeah, I've got a husky in freakin' Africa. This will go over *really* well...)

Sometimes, my mouth gets away with me. We all know this, that's one thing that hasn't quite changed even after ten years, but today deserves an Olympic medal. I didn't mean it, honest to God.

I said that I hoped Daisy did die, because having Lilah for a mother must really be hell on Earth.

And the worst part? We'd been arguing outside the sprout's door and I'm sure she heard me. With my luck, I know it. Should've never opened my mouth.

You were right. Well, you and Jackie. She is a spy, and I should've known it for a while now. Looking back, I just never really cared to pay attention. We had a bit of an outburst, and Lilah said that after I left Fort Garland with Ruti, the men looking for me came to her house and threatened her in front of the kid. Apparently, Daisy's been terminally ill for years, has lung cancer courtesy of Lilah's ex and Lilah's own smoking while she was pregnant. Lilah couldn't afford decent health care for the sprout on a nurse's wage and a dead husband, so the men offered her a deal to give her the best medical treatment money could buy if she willingly brought me to them. As a plus, they threatened to execute her in the same fashion they've been planning for me right in front of Daisy, and then they'd send Daisy through the worst government-sponsored orphanages so that she'd die a "lonely, agonizing death" choking on her lungs and remembering how pathetic her mother was and some such. Lilah went on a bit, but I know a few things:

1) She's the reason the men are now aware that Tom is aware that I'm alive, and that he has helped me get out of the country. Therefore, she's put Tom in danger, and I won't forgive that.

2) She was planning on giving away our positions when we reached Tristan's place. Her theory was that I would be caught-off guard in a drunken stupor with him, and if they "arrested Tristan by association, it's one less idiot on the planet."

3) However, when we reached Tristan's, Lilah began to "like" me, as she said, and the whole Ghetaldi scare had her paranoid enough to stick around because she "genuinely likes Thea and Caddi." Sorry, Tristan.

4) When we got to Virginia, she planned to give us away again, because she knew she couldn't do anything for Daisy in Africa, but then our relationship became physical, and she decided to stick around for reasons unknown.

I also know she hasn't had real feelings for me beyond casual fucks (sorry, but that's the only word that fits, Thea), and has been using me as an outlet to her frustrations for a while. I won't get into how I feel about this.

So I told Lilah that when the chopper comes in a few days to pick up Daisy, she's going to disappear. I told her I don't ever want to see her again, and if I do, I won't be held responsible for my actions. She laughed at me. When I asked her if she had any respect for me at all, she said, "I don't respect murderers."

Thus, we're at stand-still. Lilah is leaving, and she's downright broken over it. She might be pissed at me, but Daisy's condition has gone to her head and she hasn't really stopped crying. I hate feeling bad. I know I shouldn't have said what I did, but...

Anyway. That's them bones. I hope a piano falls on the bitch's head, and as for Daisy, I could be a better father for her than Lilah ever could. I hope she gets the treatment she needs.

Don't say you told me so.


[OOC: Sorry Princess, I was kicked and now they need the phone for ma, so I'm trapped for tonight. Waaaaaaah!]

Daisy's very sick and Lilah's acting strange... she isn't as surprised or distraught as she should be, and I have a feeling she's known for a while now. In fact, she seems rather guilty about the fact that I *didn't* know, and has avoided me since I found Daisy hacking up blood on the deck.

Ruti is actually more upset about this than Lilah is, and I just don't get it. I tried cornering her today (Lilah, I mean), and she won't give me a straight answer. She says it's not contagious, and it's not my business, but it is. Not only have I been sleeping with Daisy's mother for the last several weeks now, but Daisy has more or less adopted me as her new father, and I *care* about the little sprout. I thought were making a family here, however disfunctional, but I know when I'm being played, and I'm starting to think Lilah's been hiding things from me for a while. It's in her body language. Every time she looks at me, she twitches and leaves the room, like I've got tentacles coming from my forehead or something. She knows something.

Jackie says Lilah's a spy. That's ridiculous! She was a nurse in back in Fort Garland, and don't get me wrong, she might be intelligent, but she's not spy material... she's a terrible actress. And she doesn't lie that well, this latest thing notwithstanding.

Whatever it is, I'm more concerned about Daisy. Noah says we have another week into the voyage, and if she can hold on that long, he knows a good doctor in Liberia.

She looks worse by the day. I don't like this...

Hey, it's me. Max is exhausted with the work, so I'm posting for him to let y'all know he's alive and sexy as ever. Seriously. You should see how sweaty he is, and with the heavy lifting he's been doing for the past few weeks... ooohh... if he wasn't so tired, I wouldn't be posting this, I assure you.

But he is, he pretty much collapsed after commenting back to journals and said to post something about a crate that he's sent to Tristan. Well, not sent yet, we need to get off the boat first, but he insists he's already spoken to Noah about it. Tristan, why is Max sending you a crate of beer hops? Is it your birthday or something? What the hell are you going to do with that much grain, anyway?

Maybe I'll interrogate it out of Max later.

There was something else... oh yes. When Max finally found out about Thea and Caddi, he blew his top. It was funniest thing I've ever seen, I didn't know a man's head could get that red and veiny without popping. Doesn't help that Caddi sent Tom a hot picture of Thea, and Tom sent to Max, who pretty much exploded and said it was "vulgar" and "pornographic" and "disgusting," but in a "very wrong, very sexy sort of way." He went on to say that Tom should be ashamed of himself, and I should be ashamed for finding it amusing. Tom says that Max should lighten up, but I think it was mostly just to get his brother riled. After he cooled down, Max seemed rather guilty over it, despite the fact that he cheered Tom up in the most entertaining way possible. Max is rather worried about his brother; he's worried about everyone, actually. If Jackie starts going bald, Max'll worry he's got cancer or something. It's bizarre.

Anyway, things sound pretty serious in Brazil and I'm worried about you, Thea. Keep me posted, Max and I think about you all the time. Well, when he isn't so rugged and sweaty from a hard day's work. Honestly, I'm no slut, but I'm sure he's turning me into one. Man's a viking in the sack. I should take pictures. Told Tom I would--err, of me, I mean. I'm fairly sure Tom wouldn't want pictures of his own brother.

Though I can't see why not...

Ugh, he's sleeping and I want him, there is something very wrong with me! I must stop gibbering on like a little schoolgirl! Surely he's not *that* attractive? Must be hormones. Haven't had sex since Richie, and even then, the last *good* session was probably on our honeymoon. I'm getting desperate in my old age.

And that was probably TMI. Right.

Ruti and Daisy say hi.

Going now.

[OOC: I've decided it's easier not to make a whole other journal for her (especially since there's no telling how long she'll be around), so we'll pretend that Lilah is using a separate journal away from Max, and she's filtered this post from him, so he can't read it.]

Max is... peaceful when he sleeps. I keep wanting to take a picture, if only to remember that expression, but I haven't worked out how to take it without the flash waking him up. It's just rare to see him this contented, though I've only known him for a few short months, really, when I look back. It seems longer, but it's true. I might not have known him long enough to know better--but I do know that since I've met him, he's rarely been as happy as he is when he's sharing a bed with me.

For all our fighting, I think I've missed sharing my bed with someone. Rich only died a year ago, and I'm still trying to accept his loss--and Max was, at first, a useful warm body to cope with this. Seems a bit cold, I know, but I couldn't bare to think anything more romantic. Max couldn't either. In fact, I still don't think he can, which is odd because Viviana has been dead for five years, and he should be well over her by now, shouldn't he? Or did I not love Richie as strongly as he did his Asian goddess?

Things are getting complicated. When I'm not careful, I start to tell myself that I love him. It's troubling, because I don't know if he'll ever return the feelings, at least not honestly. That's the primary reason we fight, beyond the personality clashings; I hate being a dirty secret, and he hates having one. Is this a downward spiral, or the long dark tunnel before sunlight?

Everyone knows I can be, according to Max, a cold-hearted bitch, but the woman in me is tired of casual sex. I want meaning in my life again. I'd hate to spend the rest of my days alone and bitter, especially in the way it seems Max has become. It's pretty scary--Tom told me his age when we met, and I honestly thought Max was far older than he is. I'm turning thirty this year. He's nearly a decade younger than me.

And yet, despite how wrong that is, I haven't been able to bring myself to tell him, nor care enough to call it off. There's just too much going on between us, and I couldn't bare to break it if it was going to break his heart--I'm no fool, I know he cares a lot more than he admits. The sex might be a bit rough and casual on the surface, but underneath it all, we both want more. If he'll ever let the walls down, then maybe... it won't be long at all.

Daisy and Ruti are already convinced we're married. I'm sure that's Thea's doing, but the constant prodding of the two girls has caused Max to at least grow *some* sort of patience on the matter. He can lie to me and Jackie, and he can lie to his friends, but Max will never lie to his daughter. I've learned that.

So we'll see what happens, I guess. But for now, I won't lie to myself or anyone--sharing my bed with Max has become a lot more personal over the last few weeks than I'd care to admit. I may be putting my heart on the line, here, but I can't help it. My mother always told me love takes risks, you know?

So, yeah. I'm on a boat to Africa. It's a merchant ship, actually--shipping coffee beans by the massive ton. Seriously, you could literally drown in these coffee beans... Ruti, Daisy, Fluffy and Spot were playing in them for days when we first got here, and it was so cute that Noah, the captain, didn't have the heart to yell at my girl. But the ship's left the port and all the coffee is gone now. Ruti was so depressed in that petulant toddler way, until they replaced it with boxes and boxes and *boxes* of grain, straight out of Kansas, looks like. Apparently, they were serious when they said we feed most of Africa these days.

In exchange for the hospitality of Noah and his crew, I've agreed to do some deck swabbing and crap. It's not so bad, actually, though I did get pretty sick the first week because I've never been on a ship before and all this sea-sawing was driving me bonkers. Ruti got sick too, but she recovered much faster than I did. I'm still feeling the brunt of it. Hasn't stopped me from working, though; Noah runs a pretty tight ship.

Fortunately, the ship as a satellite and Internet access, so I'll still be around when I'm off duty. Unfortunately, I don't seem to be off duty very often, which is why I haven't been around even though I said I will be. Doh!

Lilah has taken to visiting the cook. I would think she was cheating on me--err, bad choice of words, I mean, like, looking around while I'm not--nevermind, anyway, I would think she was... exploring... if the cook wasn't so ugly. He has about three teeth, he's got halitosis, there's a huge dripping wart on his nose, and his hands are so calloused, you'd swear they were leather. She loves him, though. Says he reminds her of her father, though that worries me for obvious reasons. The cook, who's name is Han, has taken to teaching her around the kitchen. Now, let's look at this logically for a minute, shall we? She has told me that:

A) She will never, ever cook a meal for me so long as I live if I proceed to tell her one more time that her "place" is in the kitchen. (Yeah, okay, I was being an ass, but honestly, I was hungry!)

B) She will never, ever cook a meal for me ever again since I gagged and proceeded to get violently sick the one time she actually did cook a meal for me. (Seriously... this was after I said her place was in the kitchen, I swear she poisoned me on purpose!)

C) She hates cooking anyway. But it doesn't count if she's cooking for either Ruti or Daisy, because "that's just being a mom." Being a "wife" is apparently sinful, though.

D) I'm a better cook than she is, "so what's the point in trying?"

And finally,

E) "Han is a sweetheart, and you're an incorrigible jerkwad! There's nothing wrong with me learning how to cook if the teacher is a sweet old man! And this doesn't mean I'm going to serve you dinner, asshole, so stop asking questions and serve yourself! I swear! You and that awful Tristan need to take lessons on how to treat a lady!"

Erm, yeah.

Anyway. Things are okay, other than the obvious. Me and Lilah aren't dating. Or kissing. Or sleeping together. Or... anything. We argue all the time. I hate her. She's annoying! And she... clomps around in pants all day like she's the ruling party! Honestly, what kind of woman is she? I'd guess she was actually a man, but I checked. Sort of. Not that I actually--nevermind, that's not important. I have no idea how I'm going to spend the rest of my time in Africa with her. I'll go freakin' batty. I already *am* batty.


On a more serious note (not that Lilah isn't serious, because she is, and I'm very seriously not sleeping with her), I haven't heard a word from Tom. I'm getting worried, especially after that note we all got about Doro from the ghetaldi's. Hopefully, he's just busy. Hopefully. Has Cad heard from him, Doro? It's not like him to be so quiet, especially when I made it clear that I needed to hear from him... well. I'll stop worrying until I know what's up. We all know how bad things in Georgia are, and the more I think about it, the more stir-crazy I get. I'd really hate to lose him now that I know he's alive.

And I'm done thinking those thoughts.

Oh look, Lilah's here. I mean--in her own room. Back from the cook. Away from me. And my bed.

Yeah.

So I've got a journal now! This is mostly to copy Tristan--who am I kidding, it's totally because of Tristan, because whenever he does something cool, it's my job to one-up him. Yay!

I wonder if Thea will make an account. Ruti wants to make one too, as well as Lilah, but they'll just have to share mine. Because I own the laptop, dude. ;)

*stretches* Wooters! This should be entertaining...